The Truth About Stretch Marks
When I became pregnant with Holden I assumed stretch marks were inevitable, I remember looking in the mirror at my first trimester stomach and being quite sad that it would probably end up “ruined” by stretch marks creeping across, but my belly got bigger… and bigger and still no stretch marks. I would go to my appointments and my midwife would say, “Wow! Still not one stretch mark!” I assumed she had seen her fair share of stretch marks and pregnant bellies, so it must be pretty crazy that my big ole belly managed to come out unscathed. 41 weeks came and went and finally Holden was born. I quickly lost the baby weight and had no stretch marks. I was extremely happily, and secretly quite smug about this.
I can’t lie and say I didn’t have a twinge of pride that I didn’t get them. I loved my pregnant body, and it was honestly one of the first times in my life I ever felt that way about how I looked. I felt like I deserved this scar free belly. Especially since I am no stranger to stretch marks. I got them on my calves, butt, and thighs as I went through puberty, grew into a woman and changed as an athlete in high school. I figured I was just destined to get them on my belly too. Not getting them must have been my “good karma,” if you will, for growing up with so much insecurities about my body.
Plus, I’ve never been good at anything in my life, always mediocre at most things. I was an ok athlete, an pretty good student, decent at most things I participated in, but never a stand out- never the best. Now I get pregnant right away, have a perfect pregnancy, rock birth, kill it at breastfeeding, all without even a scar. I felt like I’d finally found my thing. I was just built for this and couldn’t wait to do it again.
10 months after Holden was born I got pregnant again. I wanted this pregnancy and wanted them close together, but in hind sight I’m not quite sure my body was completely ready to expand again so soon. I wasn’t fully healed. My abdominal muscles had been pushed to the limit and as my pregnancy progressed I realized I was noticeably larger, earlier the second time around. I started both pregnancies at the same weight, and even gain slightly less the second time, but the difference the second time around was noticeable.
I love my pregnant self, but the fear of stretch marks came back as I heard women say they couldn’t elude the “tiger stripes” in subsequent pregnancies. I entered the third trimester and began to experience a lot of pain. My belly was just big, heavy and my skin was at its limit. At 36 weeks stretch marks began to creep up my belly.
I lathered my belly up in every lotion imaginable. I stayed hydrated. I didn’t scratch, I gained the recommended amount of weight (just shy of 30 pounds) and I still got stretch marks. Unfortunately, my abdominals couldn’t hold this baby as close, and my skin couldn’t bear it any more. Furthermore, I wasn’t prepared for how stretch marks would make me feel.
I had searched Pinterest high and low, far and wide for ways to prevent stretch marks- I’ve heard it all. I had done all I could and was still unable to keep them at bay. There is a lot of fluffy language surrounding these marks, women try to call them stripes, badges of honor, battle wounds, but when you really value NOT having them it isn’t easy to jump ship and simply accept them and your new body. How sad is it that I spent my entire childhood and adolescents believing I was fat, hating my body (my stomach in particular), mistreating my body because of it- only to use that body I hated so much to create the two most perfect babies, and then miss the body I had. It is completely messed up, unfair, not right. So I decided it wasn’t ok for me to live in that head space. I was going to be honest about the body I see and treat it kindly because I deserve that as a human being. So here is the truth about stretch marks, so hopefully other women can stop beating themselves up too.
Firstly, every new mom should know that there is just no true way to prevent them. It is all about the genetics and the elasticity of your skin. The more pregnancies you have, the older you get, the closer your pregnancies are to each other, the faster your belly grows, and your genetics all play into getting stretch marks or not. I think had I repaired my ab muscles better maybe I could have avoided stretch marks. Maybe not. Weight gain, using lotions and drinking water were all things I did the right way. I still got stretch marks.
Secondly, stretch marks are (sometimes) painful. I read time and time again that they are not, but as the final weeks of my pregnancy went on, the pain of my stomach stretching, and my skin literally ripping open from inside was almost unbearable. I was almost begging for an induction (and I am a firm believer in avoiding medically unnecessary inductions) but I was so uncomfortable and grieving the loss of a stretch mark-less stomach that I wanted it to end before they got worse. I felt trapped in my body by this person expanding inside of me past the point of no return, and the days that creeped on. I was just dreading what could happen to my skin the longer Waylon remained in there growing and stretching me farther and farther. Throw in some hormones and you’ve got a real fun time.
One night I sat down in my bathtub and felt as if the skin on my stomach had busted a seam. Just like of your pants rip from being too tight. It was painful and I was so shocked to look down and see a bright red line that almost broke the skin appear on my belly.
I got out of the tub and just wept. I just had a cathartic release of all my anger/sadness/jealousy that I had held inside due to my thoughts on stretch marks and I just let it all out. After that moment, I was much more at peace with the fact that my belly bore the scars of pregnancy and decided I should probably document how they change, heal and transform along with my weight loss throughout postpartum.
Thirdly, stretch marks shrink and fade! I began documenting their progression just 5 hours after Waylon was born. If one is fair skinned like me, stretch marks may begin as a red or purple color. It seems inflamed because it is, your skin is being torn from the inside out on very deep levels. Immediately after birth they will appear larger and more visible, but as postpartum progresses they will thankfully, shrink and fade over time. Here is my progression over 12 months:
The fourth thing is: the majority of women will get them during pregnancy. Estimates range from 50-90% of women will get them. You’re not alone. It is so easy to get down on what we see when we make comparisons to Instagram photos of women with these perfectly round, flawless bellies. The truth is that I know these women are doing a few things differently, but it isn’t what you think. They use professional photographers and equipment, perfect lighting, editing, filters, and airbrush to wipe away any trace of any mark that may appear. Do not for one second think that those are their true bellies. Sure, there are plenty of women without stretch marks, but not near as many as women with stretch marks.
Fifth: I realized I was upset about marks on my stomach that nobody ever saw anyway. I rarely wear a swim suit, and I’ve never been comfortable in a two piece in the first place. Was I really going to miss out on the possibility that maybe one day I’d like to flaunt a bikini body? Doubt it. I never in my 26 stretch mark free years ever cared to do that anyway. I never believed my body was worthy of that. Why was I so upset about the loss of something I didn’t even believe I had in the first place? Unless you show your mid-drift for a living, does it really matter that much? No.
Unless, you value the wrong things…
I was only 9 weeks postpartum when a woman told me she was afraid to have children because she “worked too hard for this body for a baby to come mess it up.” I was a little stunned by this remark. 1. Because my body is not ruined, but 2. because it made me realize how distorted our view of what being a parent, a mother really means.
Is the value of this new life anywhere near that of my flat, smooth, youthful pre-pregnancy body? Absolutely not. I wouldn’t trade anything for my children. They are worth any and every sacrifice. I will gladly wear these scars after two easily conceived, healthy pregnancies that ended with two perfectly healthy incredible little humans that bring me more joy than my pre-baby stomach ever did. Stretch marks are small potatoes when it comes to grief and loss surrounding pregnancies and motherhood.
Try telling a women who is struggling with infertility, or the loss of a baby that you’d rather not have stretch marks… because you’ve worked really hard for your body. It seems so trivial and insignificant. I get mad at myself for even caring about these stretch marks for one second.
And let it be known that I worked HARD for this body too.
I am not here to try and convince you that they are “beautiful.” Theres the whole other side of mom Instagram that proudly shows off their stretch marks as an attempt to have them redefined when it comes to our beauty standards. But even then I think, “who cares? Why does our physical beauty even matter?” Motherhood carries such a deeper level of beauty that surpasses any and all appearances. I see that the sacrifice is beautiful. The selflessness is beautiful. If by default that makes stretch marks beautiful too, then thats wonderful. But is beauty even relevant when we are talking about the gift that bringing a new soul into the world is? Who cares if you have a beautiful stomach when you were given the ability to create new life within your own being? Who cares if you have a flawless, tight skin when you have the enormous blessing of motherhood?
Do I look at my marks today and think that I love them? Honestly, no, but I don’t think of them with anywhere near the contempt, disgust, or disappointment that I did. I imagine that in years to come I may very well grow to love them. Maybe I’ll grow to love grey hair and wrinkles too. They are just part of who I am now: a mother. A woman who has been given the gift of pregnancy, motherhood, aging, and changing.
Now I am one year postpartum and think this may be the best that they will ever be healed. They may also get worse because God willing I will hopefully get the opportunity to grow for another baby, and will possibly get some more.
What I am trying to say is that the truth is stretch marks aren’t the end of the world. They’re not always sunshine and roses, but they play such a small role in the grand scheme of life that they really don’t deserve all of the negative attention that they get. The stretch marks, loose skin, saggy bellybuttons, droopy breasts, cellulite and extra weight really only “devalue” our bodies if we allow them to. If we chose to be women who have faced and overcome challenges, women who have so selflessly surrendered their bodies, literally, for the lives of their children, women who create life, welcome life, nourish life, and nurture life with those bodies – why would it ever matter what those bodies look like? And how could they ever be anything except wondrously beautiful?
Empowered T-shirt from The Little Milk Bar as a collaboration with The Empowered Birth Project.