In Bloom Doula Services

Just like anything we do in life we learn from past experiences and mistakes. I know what I will do differently the next time around in many circumstances from moving, to job interviews, to haircuts, to what I order at drive-thru restaurants. The same goes for child birth. From the day Holden was born I often pondered what I will do differently the next time I am in that situation because as humans we learn from experience. Childbirth is unlike anything else we do in life, and you honestly have no idea what it will be like until you experience it first hand. Everyone has a vastly different experience, and no experience or difference of opinion invalidates another. No matter how much advice you hear, how many articles you read, or how prepared you are I can guarantee there will be something you will regret, for lack of a better term. I thought about this quite often. Somethings instantly occurred to me, and somethings took time to really set in. so here is my list of things I will do differently the next time I give birth.

1. Have a video recording: 

Everyday, at risk of sounding dramatic, I mourn the missed opportunity to film my son’s birth. I had planned to, but once I was actually in the delivery room and admitted, things progressed very quickly. He was born within two hours of that and telling Nathan to get the camera out to film it completely slipped my mind. I desperately want to relive those moments and watch myself catch my son, listen to the first words I said to him, watch myself meet him for the first time. Watch the room’s reaction and the relief wash over my face as labor ended. I did have a birth photographer and it was worth every penny.  I will cherish those photos for the rest of my life. I often go through my birth photos and fall in love with different pictures all over again. The pictures are beautiful and priceless, but they don’t fill the gaps in my memory that are forming. Sadly the most meaningful, special and sacred day is fading. I was so overwhelmed with relief, love, joy and emotion that I wasn’t focused on soaking in each second. The first hour of skin to skin flew by and I would give almost anything to watch that hour over again. I don’t care if it’s a wobbly, cell phone, low quality video. I don’t care what I look like. I don’t care who films it. I just want a video and I’ll regret not having one for my first birth for the rest of my life.

Here is some of my beautiful birth photography by Stephanie Shirley. Pictures are amazing; I just wish I had the video to accompany them.

2. Have a going home outfit:

On a lighter note, the next time I bring a baby home from the hospital, I’d like him or her to be in a special outfit. For my first I wanted a special outfit, but couldn’t find something just right. I had a million things to finish on my to do list, so that is the one that got neglected. I ended up going with just a plain white onesie, which I think are adorable. I see cute personalized little pajama and hat sets and I’ve decided that I will have one for baby number 2. Especially if I have a another son because I already have more than enough baby boy clothes. I won’t need anything for my newbie, but having a special outfit just for them will make it sweeter. I recently packed up all my newborn sized clothes in a box and could not believe how tiny and precious they seem to me now. My heart aches seeing how big my son has gotten so quickly. It will feel so good to have another itty bitty in those clothes again.

3. Have a newborn photo shoot:

I have plenty of pictures, but let me tell you, you can never have enough. I decided to skip a professional newborn photo shoot because I was trying to save money. Between the cost of birthing classes, my doula, and a birth photographer I was having to cut corners somewhere, but next time I will make it happen. I did allow the newborn photographer at the hospital take photos of Holden, but they weren’t that great, and my husband and I weren’t in them. The rest of my newborns will be subjected to a photo shoot because they really do change right before your eyes. Every stage is amazing and exciting in its own way, but those newborn days are so fleeting. We are often distracted by our lack of sleep and the frightening newness of our roll as mothers that it’s easy to let those days rush by without appreciating them for what they are. Your baby will never be smaller than they are right now, so spend the money and get beautiful photos.

4. Refuse even more medical interventions:

I desperately wanted an unmedicated birth, so I refused most medical intervention while at the hospital. I had periodic monitoring instead of continuous so I could move freely around the room. I had limited cervical checks (only ones I wanted.) I also got a hep-lock instead of being hooked up to an IV. I chose a hep-lock to avoid being stuck repeatedly if I happened to need an IV for fluids during labor. That way we wouldn’t encounter a problem if I needed one. With the hep-lock I could be prepared and still be able to be mobile and not drag around the IV as I moved in the delivery room. It turned out that they couldn’t find a vein due to me being dehydrated (see #5) and I ended up being stuck multiple times anyway. I wanted it place in my hand, so I could bend my arm freely, without the hep-lock in my elbow, but I ended up with it in my elbow anyway. I was so focused on my contractions that I did not even notice it though. I didn’t want any pitocin. No drugs for pain and nothing while I was still pregnant, but once I delivered a nurse came to me and said “I’m giving you a shot of pitocin to curb the bleeding.” This helps contractions (yes you have them after the delivery too) and helps with bleeding if you are bleeding too much. Pitocin is synthetic oxytoicin. I did not need pitocin at all because I was progressing so quickly, but I did not need it afterward either. I did not have an issue with bleeding and next time I will refuse the shot unless it is needed for a specific reason.

I also didn’t put up a fight about the erythromyocin ointment. If you are unfamiliar with it, it’s basically a preventative measure that is unnecessary for most women especially those receiving consistent prenatal care. It is given to babies in case they were exposed to sexually transmitted diseases like gonorrhea in the birth canal. If it were to get into their eyes it could cause blindness. Is it important? Absolutely. But for me and many mothers it was completely unnecessary because I do not have gonorrhea. Recently Texas legislation passed a bill allowing women to refuse it without fuss, which is amazing news.  Some women who refused beforehand were reported to CPS by hospital staff, which is terrifying. I even know some personally who has this happen to them, which is why I decided to not put up a fight. Next time I will be refusing the eye ointment. Why expose my new baby to unnecessary antibiotics? We spend our entire pregnancy being encouraged to avoid many foods, activities and almost all drugs, just to bombard our newborn with dozens of drugs? That doesn’t make sense to me. I was well informed before, but next time I will go into labor even braver and will not hesitate to refuse what I think is unnecessary.

I also got too many ultrasounds and blood work toward the end of my pregnancy. If I didn’t have HIV at the beginning of my pregnancy I knew I didn’t have it at the end. I understand that sometimes this is necessary for the safety of the child during the delivery. It just simply isn’t necessary for me and I do not have to do it. I don’t have to do anything I don’t want to do, and neither do you. I can in good conscience turn down an unnecessary and expensive test. If my midwife was worried about fluid levels or the sate of my placenta I think that would be an ultrasound I would agree to. My next pregnancy I will have the initial transvaginial ultrasound to confirm my pregnancy was healthy (i.e. not an ectopic pregnancy, which means that the fertilized egg implanted into the fallopian tube instead of the uterine wall. This would eventually would cause the fallopian tube to rupture, which could be life threatening to the mother), the anatomy scan and then the final scan if needed. There is reason to believe that too much of a good thing is a bad thing when it comes to ultrasounds, so I’m limiting them next time. In addition to the fact that certain procedures are sometimes unnecessary and maybe dangerous, I also have crappy insurance that refuses to cover extra scans, or extra blood work. When they refuse I end up paying more than I should for a test I did not want or need. Once it hits you that you may be paying close to $8,000 in hospital bills for the birth of your baby, you may get a little nit picky too.

5. Stay hydrated:

This should be my rule for everyday, but it’s unfortunately drinking enough water is something I neglect to do often. During my last week of pregnancy I grew very impatient. I was in a terrible mood. I was frustrated that I was wasting my maternity leave on watching Netflix and disappointed that I was probably going to be induced. I was also “overdue” and anxious to go into labor to meet my baby! As I was sulking (on unknowingly my last day of pregnancy) I got myself a huge Whataburger combo and large coke. I went into labor very dehydrated. Then during transition I threw up and when I was getting my hep-lock in they couldn’t find my vein. I got stuck for my hep-lock around five times and I almost needed to be hooked up the IV to have fluids. Sitting through contractions while being stuck repeatedly was not ideal. My contractions may have been more bearable had I been hydrated better. Next time around I will stay hydrated especially during that last month.

I know my experiences may be vastly different than other mothers’, but hopefully my regrets can provide you with some insight that can help you make the best choices for you going into labor and childbirth. Being informed is so important, especially when it comes to birthing in a hospital setting. Never be afraid to advocate for yourself and your baby. Comment below what your regrets are, or what you wish you would have known before giving birth.