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*Disclaimer: I wrote this piece two days before I took another pregnancy test and got my positive result! So hopefully, if you currently trying to conceive (TTC) while continuing to breastfeeding, this can give you some insight on how things may work out for you. Everyone is different and all menstrual cycles are different, but I figured it could be helpful to share where I was coming from and how I went about TTC.

Trying to conceive while nursing has been much harder than I anticipated. We began TTC in June. Holden turned 7 months old and I figured June would be a great time to start so I could hopefully get a spring baby and back my maternity leave up to my summer vacation. I’d end up with 5 full months with my baby and could start fresh at the beginning of a new school year instead of return to an ongoing one.

June came and went, so did July and August. I grew impatient, frustrated and disappointed. My hopes for a spring baby didn’t pan out. I figured I would get pregnant easily because I did with Holden. We weren’t even trying. I’ve had regular periods with a 30 day cycle like clockwork for the past 5 years. I assumed once I got my period back 7 months postpartum that it meant I would conceive easily again and it turns out that is not always the case.

I’ve tried to read about conceiving while continuing to breastfeed and I’ve found very little information. It is usually anecdotal advice from random women who have gotten pregnant accidentally only 2 months postpartum or hadn’t even started their period again, insisting breast feeding isn’t reliable birth control. I thought I would be the same way, which is making each negative pregnancy test result a little harder to swallow. Why do I keep testing you ask? Well, my periods since June have averaged more about 60 days than 30 days. I know I am due for a period and then- nothing. So, I test to check I’m not pregnant and am left with the annoying feeling of no period and no pregnancy, and am wondering what exactly is going on in there?

I’ve posted in mom groups on Facebook asking for advice on boosting my fertility. I’ve heard to lose weight, to up my calories, drink lots of water, track my ovulation, track my basil body temp and cervical mucus. I’ve had some women condescendingly tell me to “please reconsider spacing my children so closely” because it’s unfair to my first born. I eventually stopped asking the mom groups and tried to take matters into my own hands.

HEALTHY LIFESTYLE

I tried to mix in a little of everything. Boosting my calories, but began exercising regularly (by exercising I mean brisk walks while pushing the stroller for about 30-45 minutes 4 to 5 times a week) and drinking more water while trying to eat healthier. Less sugar, more veggies. I began taking my prenatal vitamins and probiotics regularly again. Overall health is a major factor when it comes to fertility, and I will be the first to admit that a healthy lifestyle often takes a back seat for me. I am continuing these changes in hopes that it will pay off in more ways than one.

I even bought these FertileGirl nutrition bars to try. They were a little expensive, but I figured on days where my nutritional intake was lacking a little bit these could be a good added source of vitamins and all the good stuff I need. They are OK. By this I mean they taste what you’d expect a nutrition bar to taste like. They aren’t gross, but it is no candy bar. Sometimes I would put peanut butter on them too, but I also am a notoriously bad eater. I love salty food, junk food, and sorry to all you vegetarians out there, but if a meal doesn’t have meat in it I am not satisfied. So if you are like me, I’d recommend trying these out to get in those added nutrients your body needs.

FERTILITY APPS

I also downloaded fertility apps to my phone. My apps of choice are Glow and Ovia. There are pros and cons to both. I like the frequent feedback and updates from Glow, but am not a fan of the insanity that goes on on the discussion boards. It’s like Jerry Springer started a fertility app and I’m not interested in hearing about paternity drama or women considering pregnancy porno. Ovia is more detailed when it comes to the information you fill out daily, but they don’t give me feed back after each update. Once I realized my periods were irregular I also realized that these apps are no good for me. They’re just guessing and are incapable of predicting ovulation in the midst of irregular cycles.

My main problem with both app is that neither provided an option for me to fill them in on being only 7 months postpartum or breastfeeding. The most important factors regarding my fertility are going unaccounted for on the apps. I still use the app to track symptoms, but hoping that I can use that to see changes over time. Ovia literally just has a question mark by my fertile window date now.

OVULATION TESTING

After my second cycle I decided to give ovulation testing a go. I followed the directions and began testing X amount of days after my cycle ended. I got nothing. You’re supposed to get two lines; one dark and one faint. When the faint line becomes dark too- you’re probably ovulating because an LH surge has been detected signaling ovulation. I took my first test and I only had one line, not even a faint line. I was furious. 20 bucks down the drain and nothing, but I kept testing. I eventually did get faint lines that soon were undetectable again. According to my apps my fertile window came and went and I never ovulated. My prediction date for my next period also came and went too, and I got another  negative pregnancy test. I concluded ovulation just wasn’t happening. Most likely all because of breastfeeding on demand and decided to stop ovulation testing until my cycles regulate again. I suppose I jumped the gun testing for ovulation, but it is impossible to tell mid-cycle if this month will be regular or irregular, and since I was only once cycle in I figured it could have leveled out. If you’re considering ovulation testing I would just save your money and  wait until you have a regular cycle again.

I used First Response Ovulation Tests that came with an extra pregnancy test and. If you run out of pregnancy tests and have left over ovulation test, you can use an ovulation test instead and you should get an accurate result, too.

PHYSICAL SYMPTOMS

I decided to continue doing research on other, free ways to detect your body’s ovulation. I thought maybe I’m just not ovulating according to my apps predictions. The apps do not track anything longer than a 40 day cycle and did not edit my fertile window regardless of symptoms logged. Sure enough I did begin experiencing symptoms of ovulation. Some include thicker cervical mucus (very sticky and could be stretched between two fingers. If it is more like glue you are most likely not ovulating), light spotting, hormone fluctuations, and a slight rise in your basil body temperature (BBT) each morning.

Real talk for a second. I can’t measure my BBT because you have to do it first thing when you wake up, before you even get out of bed. I am usually awoken by munchkin munching on my boob, a sudden urge to pee, or the dreaded alarm telling me I am late. Maybe next cycle I’ll track my temps, until then it just isn’t feasible for me.

IN CONCLUSION

What I have learned about TTC over the past few months has been eye opening. It is stressful, frustrating and confusing work. I’m only 4 months in and want to throw in the towel. My heart breaks for the women who have been TTC for years without success.

My problem stems from one main source. I’m still breastfeeding on demand. This has made my periods irregular and ovulation difficult to detect. I feel torn between wanting to try extended breastfeeding and maximizing my fertility. I am not limiting breastfeeding, but our time nursing has gradually decreased over the past few months, and returning to work has made pumping difficult again. Pumping during the beginning of a school year is much harder as I am still trying to establish a routine and bounce back from hurricane Harvey delaying our first week of school. I want Holden to be breastfed for at least a year, so if this is just my body’s way of telling me that it can’t handle both then that is just fine.

Like anything else in life this has taught me some valuable lessons. One of which is to relax and enjoy the good thing I have going on now. A second baby isn’t going to make my life anymore peaceful or easy going, in fact I’ll just add more to my plate and I’ll become even more exhausted. I’ve decided to focus on the baby I do have who will only be little for so long. Enjoy my alone time with him and cherish his baby days as they come to an end and toddler days begin.

I’m also learning to just let go of having control over something that just isn’t up to me. Surrendering that to God, trust that his timing will be the right time and that this is a sign that right now just isn’t the time. Maybe my body knows that it isn’t ready because it’s well aware that Holden still needs me. He nurses to sleep and he isn’t ready to stop. I’m not ready to stop and most likely once we do stop I’ll just have to gear up to do it all over again. Conceiving while breastfeeding isn’t impossible but it’s definitely not easy. So many topics like periods, trying to conceive, and issues that accompany it go un-talked about. Starting a dialogue for women dealing with similar issues is important to not feeling alone, which is why I thought it is important to share this information.

Update: Now that I know I am pregnant I can see a few things that I didn’t as I wrote this. My typical cycle was about 30 days, but once my period returned at 7 months postpartum they were 60 days apart. This meant my ovulation was happening around the 30 day mark, which was when I had been expecting another period. This was detectable once I began tracking my physical symptoms and paying close attention to the signals my body was sending me. To me that was the most important thing to pay attention to, and the fertility apps did not give me an option to set my cycle as 60 days either, which could have changed their effectiveness.