In Bloom Doula Services

Pregnancy is one of the most beautiful and special events in one’s life, but it can also be stressful and scary; especially at the beginning when there is an increased risk of a miscarriage. Everyone should handle the news of their pregnancy in a way that makes them most comfortable, and for many that doesn’t always include opening up to the whole world right away. Keeping a new pregnancy a secret is reasonable and understandable when that is what makes you most comfortable, and there is no reason that you should have to tell anyone, but for me waiting the full 12 weeks to announce the news of our second baby seemed unfitting for several reasons.

This is why I am done with the old tradition/expectation to wait until 12 weeks to announce a pregnancy.

1. I’m excited!

I became excited about both of my babies the second I saw that positive pregnancy test. I wanted to tell everyone immediately. I started with my friends and family, and eventually people at church, work, and soon after I put it on social media. I announced my first pregnancy at 10 weeks. I hated waiting anytime at all to spill the beans because my new status as pregnant was the only thing on my mind and it is all I wanted to talk about. I decided to announce my second at 6 weeks because I just didn’t care to drag out the process of waiting any longer.

2.The first trimester is hard!

Some women deal with terrible morning sickness, others like Kate Middleton famously battle hyperemesis gravidarum, and are sometimes even hospitalized. Hyperemesis gravidarum is more than just severe morning sickness; it is almost constant vomiting that can lead to dehydration and can quickly become an issue for mothers early in pregnancy. Fortunately for me I deal with mild morning sickness, that was relatively easy to hide from my employer, but not everyone has that option. Sometimes informing your employer of a pregnancy early on is a necessity. If morning sickness doesn’t get your it’s likely that hardcore fatigue and exhaustion will. I am still deep in the throws of the first trimester and I like the option of being able to share how I am feeling with my co workers. Suffering alone is never a good time, and it just isn’t always an option for everyone.

3. It encourages the silence and shame that surrounds miscarriages.

People often say that they wait to share the news of a pregnancy “just in case something happens.” They would prefer to not announce the loss to everyone they had just celebrated with. I respect anyone’s choice to wait as long as they need to in order to feel confident in their pregnancy’s success. It is their decision to keep it a secret or to scream it from the rooftops. But I question a society’s tradition of or pressure to hide a miscarriage.

For many people sharing struggles is an important part of healing and women who deal with a loss as great a miscarriage should be allowed to talk openly about it. Miscarriages are devastating and heartbreaking; nobody should be expected to grieve silently or secretly through that ordeal. If I were to miscarry I wouldn’t want to be expected to carry that secret forever either.

Secondly, miscarriages are common. So common in fact that about 1 in 4 pregnancies will end in a miscarriage. But somehow miscarriage continues to go unspoken about, which ignites a sense of shame for women who do experience one. When you insinuate that someone should wait until they are past the 12 weeks mark, you’re also implying that the life they carry isn’t worthy of being celebrated just yet and that if it did end in a miscarriage that other people shouldn’t have been burdened with the knowledge of it. The expectation to wait only perpetuates the idea that miscarriage shouldn’t be talked about and that our society is more concerned with with the umcomfortableness that the awareness of a miscarriage may bring, than the comfort of a hurting couple may be searching for.

4 weeks, 15 weeks, 42 weeks. It is a pregnancy. It is a life. And it is important.

Miscarriages, infertility, and loss deserves a place in our society to be talked about in order to not only spread information, but to end the shame a stigma that surrounds it, and provide a community for couples who are struggling.

God forbid “something happen” to this pregnancy, but if something did I think I would prefer to be open and honest about such a significant event in my life. Especially now that I have created this platform for myself in the form of this blog, I would feel a responsibility to address to on here and hope that I could find comfort in doing so.

If you missed my announcement on instagram I am happy to share my good new here too!

Our second little blessing is due sometime in late May. I am seven weeks today and we heard the heartbeat last week. His/her heart had just started beating that day or the day before and it is always music to my ears to hear that sound.