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This past weekend I was excited to see that Netflix added a new show called Workin’ Moms. So excited in fact, that I sat down on the couch at 9pm and resigned myself to binging on it with my husband, Nathan for the rest of the night. I had watched the trailer on Facebook, and even shared it on my page. I was excited to watch a show showing the “reality” of women trying to “balance it all.” I saw clips of pumping, and a mom reluctantly saying goodbye to her baby, screaming in the woods, and speaking of desires for a “braindead vacation.” I was like “finally! My people.”

Now I am awake at 4 am after a leaky diaper accident, and I decided to write out why Workin’ Moms missed the boat. Why I still do not feel seen, or heard, and why I won’t be watching.

How they address maternity leave ending:

Workin’ Moms focuses on four working women in a mom support group, and begins with their maternity leave ending. The show is Canadian, so most women have 8-9 month maternity leaves. As an American woman I am very jealous, and do not relate what so ever. There were no moms with a 6, 8, 12 week leave like most American moms experience and there was no demonstrated grief about the return to work. The main character, Kate Foster, who works in a corporate type job in a male dominated office does briefly delay leaving her son with a long drawn out goodbye. But a first day back at work is a monumental things and they breeze over it with ease. There is little emotional term oil displayed. There are a few scenes that do honor that grief, but they are few and far between, and suddenly end. As if, in a few weeks everything is now routine and normal.

This is followed by the obvious pressure Kate feels keep up at her job and prove that she is still a worthy employee even after 9 months out of the office, a need to pump, and balance motherhood. The problem is, they just don’t dive into it. Her son, and all the children in the show are used as props. They all conveniently are napping, or sitting quietly in a stroller. I am unfamiliar with an 9 month old (and I have a 9 month old right now) who would be quiet or still at all when awake. Kate works and has a son, but seemly has no relationship with him. I thought I would relate to Kate, because she is pumping, has her nanny and then mother staying at home with her son, and deals with the judgements of smug moms, but I found her almost unlikeable.

Maybe the pressure of trying to “lean in” to her office job will become to much later on in the series, and they will develop that for her character, but I won’t be watching to find out. I wondered where was the reluctant working mom? Anyone working to make ends meet and not fulfill an ambitious career goal?

How they address pumping:

There is a montage of pumping clips in an early episode that show one mom pumping in her car, one mom pumping in the bathroom. All relatable stuff. Kate spills her milk on her desk and is late for a meeting, has breastmilk on her top, and struggling with her supply. I appreciated all that, but then suddenly pumping is forgotten. It isn’t brought up anymore. The frequency and urgency of pumping is washed over with jokes about co-works being put off by it, or her lack of privacy to pump. There is no anger or frustration on the part of the mothers. It all is made to seem hunky dory that she would have to pump in a bathroom, or during a conference call. The moms just accept the discomfort of their co-workers and accept poor pumping conditions and eventually pumping is forgotten by everyone entirely. I guess having a show continuously show something that is not only normal, but a quintessential part of working motherhood for me, regularly was too much to ask for.

The way they address home life:

For each mom they do highlight the struggle to adapt to life as a married person while being a parent. Children change a relationship no matter which way you slice it, but the focus is on a need for refreshed intimacy, and not the balance of managing home life and a work life. Theres no scene of any working mom coming home to laundry, a dirty home, dishes in the sink. Who is making all of the meals? Do they come home before bedtime or after bedtime and just jump into bed. The moms have little interaction with their quiet, always napping babies, and seemly have no issues at all juggling home life and work life. Where is the mom up at 3 am nursing her baby while her husband sleeps? Where is the mom washing pump parts while dinner cooks in the oven, and her baby cries in the swing? Where is the mom sifting through dirty laundry and smelling clothes to see if they’re clean enough to wear? Where is the mom putting dry shampoo in her hair and running late for the fifth time that week.

There is no work life balance presented. It is all moms in their 30’s with well established careers trying to keep up in a male dominated work force and joking about how motherhood “kinda sucks.” There is not a mom struggling to make it through each day, very little separation anxiety shown on either the part of the mother or the baby. There is no co-sleeping or toddler siblings. There is no diversity.

How they represent mothers:

Three of the four women are white. One is a lesbian with a black partner. I am not a pc crazed viewer, but there were no young moms, no poor moms, no women struggling with finances even a little bit. Most working women are dealing with a NEED to work. There are medical bills to pay, and needs to be met that require a paycheck. Financial burdens aren’t presented in the show, but why would they be? They aren’t glamorous like a 30 something mom in a high rise office building. The characters are all privileged women with nice homes in affluent communities. One working mom has a husband who is a stay at home dad, but he is made to look like a fool as she chases a crush on her boss, sacrificing more time at home.

I suppose no one would want to watch a show full of women doing household chores, calming fussy babies in the middle of the night, having talks about bills with their husband, or fights over who does more. But lets not pretend that this is reality for working mothers. Lets not pretend it is seamless and easy and glamorous. Lets not pretend that they represent working moms fairly because one time a mom went into a meeting with breastmilk on her shirt.

The way they address postpartum depression:

Y’all know my background is in social work, not that I am a mental health expert, but I know a thing or two about how to address mental health issues. One mom in particular seems to be dealing with postpartum depression, but they do not handle it well. She makes off color jokes about a longing to die in very detailed, horrific ways. People stare at her like she is crazy and then brush it off like nothing weird just happened. For a moment at the beginning I related to her because her depression was being presented at such a joke that it seemed like oh she just wants a “brain dead vacation.” I often times find myself wishing I could check out temporarily and not worry about the stress of life. However when she does seem to have a moment of clarity and turn to the therapist friend for help, she is written off as “normal” and subscribed pills.

Postpartum depression isn’t just suicidal idealization. It isn’t normal and pills aren’t the fix it all answer. Some women with PPD never think of suicide. An accurate portrayal of what PPD is really like would be beneficial to any mom watching. Why perpetuate an inaccurate stigma that may prevent women from seeking help? Secondly if a mother is thinking of suicide, and that frequently, it is far from normal and would need immediate attention. PPD is common, but not normal.

Shows like this matter because they shape our expectations. They form narratives for us about what we think it means to be a working mom, what reality is like for a working mom, and moms with depression, moms who pump, moms who are overwhelmed.

Maybe the reality is that it wouldn’t make a very good t.v. show. There would be a lot less mom group time, and a lot more household chores. A lot less lunch breaks at cute restaurants, and a lot more eating fast food for the umpteenth time while answering emails. A lot less alone time with your husband, and a lot more calming a crying baby and crashing at midnight because you literally haven’t stopped doing things since the moment you woke up at 6:30 am.

Basically the show is minimally funny. Not exactly relatable or realistic. The writing does a disservice to moms everywhere buying into the ideal that motherhood is a burden, and work is your escape. I watched enough of season one to know that I never started really liking or caring about any of the characters. I don’t care to know what happens with any of them and I am annoyed that the real trials and tribulations that working moms face were minimized to pumping jokes and postpartum depression jokes. I will not be finishing the series, but I am interested to hear what other women have to say? Leave your comments and thoughts below!