In Bloom Doula Services

Happy World Breastfeeding Week!

World breastfeeding week is happening at just the right time for me as I am transitioning from the 4th to the 5th trimester this week. I returned to work this week and am once again a breastfeeding/pumping mom as I work full time. Having to return to work has forced me to examine my breastfeeding relationship with both of my boys and really think about what it means to me to be a breastfeeding mom. Until recently I hadn’t been able to articulate all that breastfeeding means to me.

When the U.S. decided to oppose the resolution to “protect, promote, and support” breastfeeding I realized that it offends me on a deep level because breastfeeding isn’t just how I feed my son- it is part of my lifestyle. Breastfeeding impacts everything I do. When and where I go. What I eat and drink. How I work. What I wear. If women don’t have support from their family, friends, medical providers, and employers from second they begin this journey, how will they ever be successful?

Breastfeeding is a life style.

If you want to breastfeed, you have to have that support system. If I didn’t have the support system that I have  I wouldn’t have been able to keep going because at first- breastfeeding sucks! It hurts. Your breasts become engorged, nipples become chapped and blistered. An improper latch can literally feel like razors slicing your most tender skin. And it doesn’t stop, you have to keep putting yourself through that pain sometimes every hour of the day.

Breastfeeding is hard! Not only is it painful at first, but it’s nonstop. I’d think to myself, “you’re hungry again?!” And I’d feel like crying. I’d have to contort my body, arching my back holding my baby in one hand and my breast to his face in the other. I ached. I’d cry. I’d dread the next feeding.

Breastfeeding is scary! I’d often wonder is my baby getting enough? Is someone going to ridicule me as I wrestle this screaming wiggly infant to nurse? Will I upset my boss if I ask for pumping breaks? Will I pump enough milk to feed my son tomorrow?

Breastfeeding is lonely. I’ve turned down many plans with friends to stay close to my nursing babe. I’ve sat alone in guest bedrooms of relatives houses to breastfeed, and I’ve sat alone through many lunch breaks to pump in the nurse’s office.

And many people around don’t understand why breastfeeding is so hard, scary and lonely because they’re not doing it. I’ve wondered if all of this was worth it. I’ve thought of quitting because it was just too much. I’ve thought to myself, “what is the point?” But I kept going because breastmilk is healthy, breastfeeding is good for my body, breastmilk is free, and I held on to hope that it would get easier. I also had people cheering me on. My mother, my husband, my doula, my midwife, and my friends.

And before I knew it somewhere, somehow in the midst of the tears and dread something had changed.

Suddenly I was not wincing in pain, but instead admiring this milk drunk babe. I was not dreading the next feeding, but welcoming him into my arms because I became confident I could calm him down. I was no longer hiding in a panic, but now I can casually walk around with a baby on the breast concealed with ease. And I realized I don’t hate breastfeeding anymore. In fact I love it. I hadn’t contemplated quitting in weeks, and I’m thinking I’ve got it down.

Suddenly it’s the highlight of my day, not a struggle on the hour. Instead of thinking, “I just want to get to 6 months,” I started thinking, “is a year long enough?” This didn’t happen on will power alone, it happened because I had the perfect combination of a supportive village, a wealth of information at my fingertips, and a supportive employer. They didn’t just support me feeding my baby, they supported the lifestyle that allowed me to be successful at feeding my baby.

When the U.S. turned down the resolution to “protect, promote, and support breastfeeding” they synonymously turned down the choice to support mothers. It was made loud and clear that the struggle to breastfeed for many American women is an opportunity for formula companies to benefit. It was made loud and clear that the sacrifice that is breastfeeding and pumping is not respected, and it was made clear that we aren’t finished normalizing breastfeeding quite yet.

I’m now embarking on the next chapter of my second trip on this breastfeeding journey- pumping at work, which is a huge sacrifice and also a tremendous blessing. I decided in honor of everything that breastfeeding and pumping moms to do to feed their babies I’d try to put all my feelings into words.

Breastfeeding is a lifestyle.

It’s co-sleeping and night nursing.

It’s years of pumping bras and nursing tanks.

It’s pumping at work alone on your lunch break.

It’s refusing a margarita at happy hour because you know you have to feed your little one soon.

It’s leaking through your shirt in front of a classroom full of 5th graders.

It’s smiling politely as bad advice and rude comments go in one ear and out the other.

It’s wishing you had 8 hands as you try to hold up your baby, a cover, and keep them on the breast- all without being able to see what you’re doing, because how dare you be immodest.

It’s avoiding eye contact with strangers as you nurse in public for the first time, and it’s looking anyone in the eye when you don’t care anymore.

It’s crying when you spill 30 minutes worth of pumped milk on your kitchen counter.

It’s comfort nursing and cluster feeding. Being touched out, burnt out and full of uncertainty.

It’s brushing off suggestions to ween, and making five stops on road trips.

It’s late nights and early mornings.

It’s a pantry full of oatmeal, supplements and Mother’s milk tea.

It’s thrush, clogged ducts and mastitis.

It’s painful moments of biting, pulling, pinching and scratching, that make you want to pull your hair out, and it’s the tender moments of your baby stroking your chest and smiling in his sleep, that make you feel like your heart could literally explode with love.

It’s staring into the eyes of your baby, and watching them close in comfort and peace.

It’s the joy that surges through your veins when they break their latch to smile at you.

It’s the sense of pride when you drop off 100oz of milk at the donation center.

Breastfeeding is beautiful, magical, and challenging. Draining and fulfilling. It’s happy and sad, exhilarating and exhausting. It’s defeating and empowering. It’s frustrating and rewarding.

Breastfeeding has taught me patience, perseverance and sacrifice. It’s made me proud of my body and confident in my ability to parent the way I see fit. It’s made me brave and given me courage to do things for my sons I never thought I’d be brave enough to do.

Here’s to you, the Mommas who are on this journey with me, to the Mommas who have done this before me no matter for how long, or how long ago. I see work the work you do. I see the sacrifices you make. I feel the love you have for your babies.

Happy World Breastfeeding Week, Momma!