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I am happy to announce that I finally have a fully potty trained toddler! Its a parenting milestone I can now say I have made it through. Before attempting potty training I honestly had no idea what to expect. I know some moms read extensively and research and have a game plan. I know that many people think three is “too old”, or “late” to potty train, and that if they’re not potty trained by a specific age it must just be because of “lazy parenting.” I know my relatives have made comments about what I should do, or try, to make Holden use the potty. And typically, I am that person. I researched carseats, breastfeeding, baby led weaning, every illness, sleep training, medical procedures, you name it. I’m a research junkie. But for potty training I did something different. I did nothing, but wait.

Potty training first came up when Holden was about 15 months. He became interested in flushing the potty, and his grandma who watched him decided he needed to be potty trained ASAP, before Waylon was born (4 months later.) I basically smiled and nodded, but let it go in one ear and out the other. I had no problem what so ever with two under two in diapers. In fact, the other option terrified me. Having to take two under to two to public bathrooms, poopy pants in public, accidents, more laundry? Call me lazy all you want, but there was no part of me that was ready to tackle that.

I mentioned this to my friend, and veteran boy mom at Nourishing Little Souls. She told me her two oldest sons had vastly different potty training experiences, but her only advice was to just wait until they are ready- its so much easier. So I kinda just took that tid-bit and ran with it. I had read an article that listed out signs your child might or might not be ready to potty train and up until 2.5 Holden qualified as “not ready,” according to the article. I never pushed the potty on Holden. I rarely mentioned it, honestly wasn’t concerned about it at all. I even asked his pediatrician at his three year check up and he said he wasn’t concerned about potty training until age 4.

But not everyone was on the same page as me. My mom sent Holden a mini potty. I was gifted a stack of potty training books. Holden’s grandma would report that he peed on the potty every so often when I got home from work, but he never acted like he cared about it one way or the other, so I never kept it going. I was relying on the wait until he’s ready method, even though I wasn’t sure what that would look like.

Then on Friday, December 13th, Holden literally woke up and asked to wear big boy underwear. I was dressing him for the day and got out another diaper and he said “Momma I wear big boy underwear?” I just kinda knew this was him telling me he was ready, so I told him sure! And said if he kept them dry all day we’d go buy some that he could pick out. AND HE DID!

I reminded him/ asked him to go potty every 30/45 mins. Each time he peed I gave him a candy corn. We celebrated with clapping, cheering, hugs, and praises. I bragged on him to everyone. He was getting very excited, and was feeling very proud. He pretty much became potty trained over night it seemed.

Unfortunately, we went out of town that weekend, so I put it on hold until Monday due to roadtrips and travel. On Monday we started over and I was happy to see that he picked up where he left off. Keeping his underwear dry and no trouble using the little potty. So, we went to Target. He picked out PJ Mask and Mickey underwear, and Toy Story Pull Ups. I let Holden pick them out and really hyped up this event. Following our shopping trip he had a minor set back, one small accident, because he wanted an excuse to change his underwear, so he peed in them on purposed. He was excited about all the new choices, but that wore off the following day.

By the next day the newness had worn off enough and we were back on the wagon on peeing exclusively in the potty. Learning to go #1 in the potty was practically an overnight change, #2s however, were a different story. Our only problem was the fear of pooping in the potty… and the upcoming over night tips.

So while Holden would sit to try and poop I’d read the potty training books. I let him play with the soap and water to wash his hands. I let him pick the underwear. I reward with candy (seasonal little Debbie’s cupcakes for poops) and brag on him in front of him to anyone and everyone, so they can celebrate him too.

I decided to go straight to underwear instead of pull ups and I think we have only had 5 accidents total, and all were in the first two weeks, and all centered around being away from home and our routine. I only use pull ups for over nights and in the car during long road trips, but still encouraged him to use the potty.

Finally on New Years Eve I got Holden to poop in the potty for the first time since beginning potty training. He was so praised and celebrated that he became so proud of himself. Since then there is no fear, no hesitation. He will poop on any potty. He will pee outside, in a urinal. He now even tells me he has to potty and goes on his own without asking for my help at all.

It only took about two weeks total. I can’t believe it could be this easy. It felt like it happened overnight, but I think it all comes down to the wise advice of just waiting until they are ready.

There is no “right” age to potty train, just like walking, talking and any other miles stone, they happen when the child is developmentally ready, and pushing them to do it too early can cause senseless stress on the parents and child. I never wanted Holden to feel scared of having an accident for fear that he’d be punished. I know that could be traumatic, and especially for something that is often times out of his control.

Another grandma, who loves to dole out parenting advice, recommended that I start spanking him for accidents. I have a pretty strong idea that the psychology in this theory is off. You wouldn’t spank your toddler for falling when he’s learning to walk, or for saying a word wrong while learning to talk. As a teacher I have experience with children as old as 10 years old pooping their pants, or even playing with their poop, and it is 100% always correlated with sexual trauma. The last thing a child in that circumstance needs is physical punishment.

I never wanted to equate using the potty, or having a slip up with fear of punishment. I decided I would just have a flat reaction to accidents, as if its no big deal. I would just say, “ok, go put your wet underwear in the dirty clothes and get a clean pair.” I never want my boys to feel embarrassed, ashamed, or fearful when they are in need of my help, at any point in their life, but especially as toddlers. I am my kid’s entire world. I want to be as safe of a place as possible. It may seem like small potatoes, but establishing that trust that I hope to have with them as teens starts will the little milestones like using the potty.

If you’re thinking about potty training your toddler, I would suggest following the just waiting until they let you know they are ready method. It will make is easier on you, and more enjoyable for them. I can’t believe I have a potty trained toddler! Waylon is at a cool age too because he wants to copy everything Holden does, so he has been very interested in the potty, underwear and of course the candy/cupcake rewards. However, he is missing the actual readiness. He isn’t keeping diapers dry, isn’t connecting the urge to go to the bathroom with sitting on the potty, so I don’t think it is his time just yet, but I hope I have him potty trained soon too, just for the sake of saving money on diapers finally!

The moral of the story is that it is 100% ok if you have a toddler who is 2 or 3 or maybe even older who is not potty trained. It is ok to wait for their cues to decide when they may be ready. It is ok if you aren’t ready to fight a two year old over this issue and want to make it easy on yourself. There are plenty of things we as parents can’t afford to be “lazy” about, but potty training is one that is going to happen if we just give it time.