The Secret Life of Pumping Moms and Why We Need to Normalize Pumping In the Work Place
As a society we have made great strides in trying to support and encourage breastfeeding moms. I delivered at a “baby friendly” hospital, so they send lactation consultants to each patient before check out, encourage breastfeeding, don’t offer formula unless requested, and keep mom and baby in the same room together. We have campaigns like world breastfeeding week, nurse-ins and now models walk on runways while breastfeeding and celebrities post pictures of themselves breastfeeding on Instagram.
I guess you could say breastfeeding is the “norm.” But, statistics on who is actually breastfeeding, and for how long would beg to differ. However, acceptance of breastfeeding is definitely growing. We still have really low rates of breastfeeding in America, a lot of misinformation that pushes women into believing they need to use formula instead of breastmilk, and people who like to harass nursing mothers in public places. In addition to continuing to normalize breastfeeding I’d really like it if we could normalize pumping while we’re at it.
I have breastfed in tons of public places, and have never been confronted once. I’ve mastered nursing all over and never have a second thought about doing it anywhere I may need to, but that same confidence has not been carried over into the pumping realm at all.
One of the aspects of motherhood I feel most alone in is being a pumping mom while at work. I have some friends who are working moms, and I have some friends who are breastfeeding moms, but no friends (at least not ones that I’m on a texting basis with) that do both. It’s a lonely place to be, and it’s a place that needs a lot of support. I’ve decided as a working/pumping mom with a blog that it is necessary for me to blog about my experiences with pumping at work because it is far from easy.
I’m in this weird position where my co-workers don’t understand, my breastfeeding stay-at-home-mom friends don’t understand, my husband doesn’t understand, and I end up feeling many negative feelings. Loneliness as I sit alone on my lunch break, frustration as I pack up and lug around bags on bags, stress as I clean pump parts and bottles in a hurry to grab my baby or go to sleep, worry as I watch milk fill up the bottle hoping it’s enough, fear as I approach the people I work with about my pumping needs.
It is not easy, but I keep going for many reasons. Firstly, breastmilk is nature’s perfect food for my baby. I want him to get as much of it as possible. I have great supply. I have rights to ensure I’m able to pump, so why wouldn’t I take advantage of that?
Secondly, I have endless guilt about being a working mom. Giving my baby breastmilk makes me feel better as I get through each work day. If I can’t be there, at least my milk can be. I can nourish both of my sons while I’m at work and that helps. I am also able to donate and I won’t lie that it makes me feel like super woman when I drop off bags of my frozen liquid gold.
Thirdly, breastmilk is free. I am saving hundreds, if not thousands of dollars by pumping at work, which helps my family financially. I can’t afford formula even though it would be easier for me as I struggle to cram time to pump into my already busy day. It would be easier for me in so many ways, but giving my boys breastmilk is more important to me than my convenience.
Despite my reasons to breastfeed and pump at work, I still feel like I’m met with an unspoken resistance. I work almost entirely with women and a huge percentage of them have children, and babies under two at that. I am the only pumping mom on campus. In fact out of my districts 600 new hires there were only three pumping moms. I talked to these moms in the designated pumping room and we chatted as we pumped and talked about the hardships of motherhood + working + pumping and it felt SO GOOD.
It was short lived though as I continue to pump, but now on my own and face more and more obstacles for pumping moms in the work place.
(Pumping in my a nurses office at school, the car, a restaurant corner.)
I am always in search of a place to pump, and a time to pump. Sometimes it means ducking out of meetings. Sometimes it means being late to lunch with my team only to arrive at the lunch spot to see nobody saved a seat for me. It means asking someone to cover my class because I can’t not pump from 7-12:30. It means carrying my pumping bag all around campus and from meeting to meeting, on a bus to other campuses throughout the three weeks on orientation and inservice and having to announce to strangers over and over again that I am in need of a pumping room. It is watching them look embarrassed as they scramble to find a custodian to unlock doors for me, or sometimes look disgusted as they tell me my only option is the bathroom. (I ended up standing in a corner of the hallway while my Principal blocked anyone’s view of me. She is a saint, and I will love her forever for that.) It means staying late at work and having the janitor walk in on you with pumps attached to you. It means having your team tell you that you need to go in a closet to pump because heaven forbid 5th graders know I’m pumping out milk from my breasts to feed my baby while I’m alone in my classroom.
I never had so many obstacles while pumping for Holden. My schedule at work matched up perfectly to the times I needed to pump, which meant I never had to ask anyone to cover my class. I never had to tell anyone what I was doing or where I was going. Pumping was basically my secret and nobody batted an eye. After I had Waylon though, I began a new job in a new district and had to endure three weeks of inservice and orientation. This meant I was with all new co workers with a constantly changing schedule, with constantly changing locations. Suddenly pumping became a huge inconvenience. I didn’t want to feel as a new employee that I was being demanding of accommodations, but I did. I felt embarrassed to ask for pumping breaks. I felt needy asking for a place to pump everywhere I went, and I felt pretentious turning down lunches with my new team and announcing it was to go pump. I was not the only new mom, two other women has babies under 1, but I am the only pumping mom. Will they assume I think I am better than them?
If I had established solid relationships and proven my strong work ethic I would not have had a second thought about perusing pumping at work, but being new I am forced to consider the fact that some people may not view me as a reliable employee. My rational mind knows that is silly, but the fact that I am aware of that stigma means someone is thinking it.
The fact that people refuse to refer to pumping as pumping, and would rather call it “doing your thing” or “taking care of mom business.” Or that the secretary would whisper that I need a room unlocked “for pumping” to the custodian, or that the restaurant cashier would look at me in disgust when I asked for a pumping area and directed me to the bathroom means that I’m not wrong when assuming people view it as an inconvenience, as gross, or as inappropriate.
I feel this unspoken pressure to keep my pumping break a secret from my students. I blindly accept this as my co-workers ask, “what should I tell your students you’re doing?” I said, “ummm… I don’t care?” But that wasn’t received well because she looked offended and said “what about a meeting?” Another teacher tells her students I go into her closet to eat snacks for my “low blood sugar.” I wonder why can’t I just say I’m pumping milk to feed my baby?
The answer is because this is America and boobs are perfectly acceptable as sexual object in every other setting, but pumping milk out of them in private is highly offensive and inappropriate. So much so, that 10 year olds need to be protected from this information. They are not clueless. I’ve been a pumping mom now throughout some point of three school years. They do catch on and they don’t care very much.
I can announce that I need to use the restroom, or take medicine, or that I am having a baby, but they can’t know that I am expressing milk. That right there signals to me that everything surrounding breastfeeding, and pumping is still considered sexual, scandalous and needing to be kept a secret.
The idea of 8 more months of this is daunting. My supply remains steady and the support from my administration has been incredible, but my moral has taken a hit. Every time I have to find someone to unlock the staff room where my milk is locked in because I stayed late to grade, or I pump through a fire drill, or forget my pumping supplies, clean pumping parts at midnight, count ounces, and lug in my huge suitcase of a pumping bag full of necessities to work I contemplate quitting.
Then I remind myself it is worth it. I am making a tremendous sacrifice for my family that only myself, and other working/pumping moms can fully comprehend. I may not get a pat on the back or a good job, but I know the importance and I know the worth, so I keep on pumping. Check on the pumping mom in your work place. Ask them how you can help them. Ask them how they are doing. Maybe fix up the pumping room for them, and tell them how they are doing a wonderful/incredible/underrated/selfless thing and that you see it. Tell them they are a wonderful mother because they need to hear it. Tell your pumping wife you are proud of her, and thankful for all she does.
Pumping moms feel the need to be quiet about their pumping, but that silence is what does damage to ability to keep going. Its hard work to be a full time mom, full time employee, and keep on pumping, but it is so worth it Momma, and it does not go unnoticed by me!
-Alexa <3
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