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Postpartum (in my opinion) is just as hard, if not harder than pregnancy. Just like pregnancy, we all have vastly different experiences, and that’s ok, but it drives me crazy that nobody talks about the difficulties of postpartum. We talk about the challenges that accompany pregnancy, and everyone is terrified of child birth, but once we have the baby everyone acts like they are all of a sudden back to normal. We are expected to be back to normal with the exception of weight loss. There is a huge emphasis on the difficulties of “getting your body back” (I hate that expression) and sometimes breastfeeding, but when it comes to physical recovery there is a loud silence.

Throughout my second pregnancy I had people telling me to “take it easy.” To stay off my feet, and to rest. But once I had my baby it was assumed I was back to normal. At about a week and a half postpartum, I made a trip up to my classroom to return my keys and move out the last of my things. I had spent a good 2 hours packing up boxes while I wore my 10 day old son and walked around campus filling out my sign-out documents. Needless to say I was exhausted. I even brought my mom to help me, but I was getting concerned about my bleeding and wanting to lie down.

Turning in my laptop was the last thing on my check-off list. I drove to the other side of the campus to save me another walk, just to be told from technology that I needed to “run back” to my classroom for one more thing. Had they not realized I had just had a baby? That now was the time for me to take it easy, to rest, that I had a gapping wound for inside my body that was healing?? I reluctantly made the walk and back, but I could tell it was not understood what they were actually asking me to do.

Our culture does not respect postpartum women and what they are going through. I work with women who return to work post c-section at 6 weeks, and women who are too nervous to demand pump breaks that they are entitled to by their employers.

I am fortunate in many ways, especially with the ease of this recovery. I can’t say the same for my first. Recovering after Holden seemed like a slow process, even though it went relatively well. I wrote about it in my blog post Why “Bouncing Back” is A Load of Crap. I felt so sore, achey, and stiff. I felt mind-numbingly exhausted and everything hurt for a good two or three weeks. It took roughly 6 months for me to feel like my normal self again. Recovery with Waylon has been much quicker, easier, and much less painful. But still not a walk in the park. So, I’m here to lay out all the fun postpartum symptoms that never get discussed.

They need to be discussed for several reasons. The first being that our society needs to be made aware of what postpartum women are going through. Maternity and paternity leave policies need to be changed, villages need to rally around new moms to support them in this change, and postpartum women need to know they are not alone. They need to know what is normal, and what is common, but NOT normal. Postpartum mommas are at risk for postpartum hemorrhaging, incontinence, prolapse, and depression. These risks are real, they are serious, and they are in desperate need of being included in conversations.

A few weeks ago a friend of mine from college posted about a high school friend of hers who was reported missing, and was eventually found deceased after she drove her car off of a turnpike, and had reportedly been suffering from postpartum depression (PPD). Her name was Libby Davis, and she leaves behind a precious daughter the same age as my son, Holden. I’m heartbroken for her family, and especially her daughter and husband who have to move on in life without her. We have to talk about postpartum struggles for women like Libby, who need support and need to know what is so common, but also not normal.

If you are struggling with any postpartum symptoms that aren’t normal, especially PPD it is ok to reach out to your midwife, doula, or OB before your 6 week check-up. It is ok to ask for help from your friends and family, and it is ok to take time to heal and recover.

1. Postpartum stink

The first annoying postpartum side effect is not only common, but also normal, but I NEVER here anyone talk about this one. Yes, the funk is real! I do not care about how often I shower, how much deodorant or what kind I wear… I stink. It’s all due to hormones and it happened with Holden too. I felt stinky for months and there seemed to be nothing I could do about it. It is evidently your body’s way of letting your baby know who you are. Babies can’t see very well, so our smell becomes stronger to let them know we are near. It is kind of sweet to think that this practically blind, little baby wants nothing more than the comfort of his Momma’s smell, but I wish that smell wasn’t so funky. If you are noticing that you stink, do not fear, you won’t stink forever.

2. Hemorrhoids

By far, the worst pp symptom, for me this go round. There was blood. There were tears and there was pain. I got myself some stool softeners, a donut to sit on, drank a ton of water, and used all the prep h and tucks wipes I could. I am recovering fine, but wouldn’t wish them on anyone. But, if you push an 8 pound, 12oz baby from your loins, hemorrhoids are kind of expected. Hemorrhoids also make postpartum bowl movements terrifying. I’d think to myself, “you had two unmedicated births, you can do this.” So, if you have to give yourself a pep talk to take a dump, you know it is serious. Although common, not normal! Get to your doctor. If you have raging hemorrhoids try this list:

• Preparation H
• Dount Seat
• Tucks Wipes
• Epsom Salt
• Herbal Sitz Baths

3. Hair loss

I’m pushing 3 months postpartum and the shedding has begun. It happened with Holden at this same point, but I cut off 10 inches of hair and called it a day. I’m not going that extreme this go round, and have accepted the re-growth is inevitable part of life. If I want to have babies… I must look like a fool throughout my fertile years… so be it. To an certain extent this is normal. It will tapper off, and your hair will return to its prior state. To my understanding it is caused by your body suddenly letting go of all the hair it held onto during your pregnancy. I completely stopped shedding, and now my hair is getting revenge.

4. Anxiety

I wrote about it much more extensively in my post, Being Honest About Postpartum Anxiety, but PPA goes wildly un-talked about. Recently I was at lunch with a group of new co-workers, and I talked very bluntly about some of the thoughts that run through my head, and scream at me loudly. Thoughts that make my shudder and cause continuous worry, and I got some crazy looks back, but the other new mom at the table understood. It is my truth. Anxiety can be crippling and I’m handling it all much better than before, but I want to talk about it because although it isn’t normal, it is common, and I want other moms to know they aren’t alone. It isn’t normal to be scared of household appliances and have visions of all the horrific things that could happen to your baby. Those terrible thoughts about all the scary things that could happen to your baby don’t make you a terrible mother. They just make you a mother with anxiety.

5. Stretch marks

The dreaded stretch marks. I didn’t get these with Holden, and to be honest, I was a bit too proud of that fact. But Waylon had what it took to push my stomach to the limit. Stretch marks are a beast, and nobody told me they would be painful! I didn’t get them until around 35-36 weeks, which made my final month of pregnancy very unpleasant. I remember sitting down in the bath tub and actually feeling my skin rip apart. The mark had turned bright red and almost broke the skin. It was as if my pants were too tight and ripped at the seems. I was devastated. I will admit that I stared at my stomach and cried, sobbed even, over the scars that began spreading across my stomach.

But I have beautiful, healthy, full term babies. That is what is important and it makes these stripes seem like small potatoes. They bother me less and less everyday, but I still lather them up in lotion hoping to decrease their appearance. I have been tracking the progress and hope to get a blog up about that too eventually.

Sidenote, it is also normal for your stomach to still look pregnant for a while as your uterus contracts back to its original size. Just because the baby is out doesn’t mean it will automatically be back to normal, but that is normal and just takes time.

6. Vaginal Tears

Another dreaded symptom is the tear. I had a completely intervention free birth with Waylon. No IV, no nothing. So, when I had a minor tear, I decided to opt out of stitches. I did that under the guidance of my midwife and doula. She told me the stitches wouldn’t aide in healing, it wasn’t severe or bleeding, and with Holden I also had a slight tear, but found the stitches very uncomfortable.

I stand by my choice. No lidocaine shot. No stabby feeling when they come out. I did have the itching from healing, but with some perineal spray (Motherlove is my favorite) and some herbal sitz baths (Earth Mama is my favorite) I think my healing was faster and smoother. Obviously, this route is not the best choice for everyone. I think stitches for the sake of stitches are pointless, but if stitches are pivotal to your healing then it would be something to consider. That would be a discussion to have with your midwife or doctor.

7. Baby Brain

I don’t know much, but I know I have baby brain. Which is most likely the reason I don’t know much. My memory is shot. I struggle to string sentence together, and I may or may not use words like car seat, high chair or stroller interchangeably. I use the word “thing” for everything because even though I’m looking at diapers, and I say the word 50 times a day, for some strange reason the word “diaper” won’t come out if my mouth.

This became an issue when I went back to work because it kind of messes up your lesson when you copy packets with the answer doc inside. Baby brain has been a constant in my life for over 2 years now and I’m not sure I will ever recover. I talk about it light heartedly, but in all honesty it can be very embarrassing and frustrating. The work load of motherhood is enough alone, but when you add a full time teaching job on top of an already full mind it just sometimes feels like there isn’t enough room in my brain. Passwords, small tasks and daily chores are forgotten, which throws a wrench in the day. I feel like circuits are crossed and misfire. The 5th trimester is a doozy.

8. Contractions

Yes, you will have contractions even after labor is over, and they don’t just last for a few hours. I’m talking days, and every time your baby latches to the breast. It feels like little razors are rubbing on your nipple, and like a very strong angry someone is ringing out your uterus like a wet dish rag. They also get worse after each baby, so you have that to look forward to. If you didn’t have them with #1, you just wait.

The nurses in my postpartum room came in and asked how I was doing frequently and I told one that I was having some rather unpleasant contractions. She said, “well now they aren’t really contractions- they’re cramps.” Cue my eye roll to my husband across the room. I wanted to hit her. These are contractions because I am familiar with that feeling, woman. Either way, they suck, but they don’t last forever either. By day 5 postpartum they had gone away. Very common, and very normal.

9. Incontinence

Listen here! Peeing on yourself, although very common after pregnancy, IS NOT NORMAL. I struggle with this more during pregnancy, but I have full blown peed my pants. After an 8 pound+ baby sits on all your organs for several months things grow weak. It isn’t normal to have to brace yourself and cross your legs before you sneeze though. My doula is always stressing the importance of kegels to me, and I am now healing my weakened pelvic floor by doing some strengthening exercises by Mama Strong. Its is a $2 a month subscription to watch instructional videos online that help you heal your body and regain core strength. The site is linked here: Mamastrong.com.

All of these symptoms and side effects from pregnancy and birth are so common, but nobody talks about them! Anything less than glamorous is kind of erased from the discussion. Women frequently talk about the hardships of pregnancy, but once the baby is born it is all about losing baby weight. Women are expected to have a baby, take care of a home, return to work, and then bounce back and not “let [themselves] go.” It is virtually impossible to do it, at least doing it all, all the time, is impossible. So, be kind to yourself, and give yourself grace because unrealistic standards are all too common, but not normal at all.

If you’re interested in other postpartum posts of mine check out:

• 8 4th Trimester Must Haves
• Why I Am Sitting the Month After My Baby Is Born